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LIVING FOR LEZLIE

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Alone..

Most people do not realize how much one can feel alone if they are grieving.


Let me just say this, it is real. It happens. It sucks. Kind of like this nightmare we don't wake up from.


You can be surrounded by so many people and feel so alone. But, it isn't because you don't care about those around you, you miss things that don't happen because of the loved one lost.


I miss lezlie and her crazy texts, her phone calls simply asking me can we stop and get taco belle tomorrow, her singing way off key and the wrong words, her being the best softball player ever, her being the best friend anyone could have and, her loving, kind side that she showed as well as her not so girly side.


Her clothes are unworn. Her texts never come through. I never get to see her play softball. I will never see her graduate.


Nobody knows this alone. It is different to us all. We don't all respond to loss the same. People don't know what to say or do and honestly, you don't either.


You are alone because you lose yourself. You don't feel you can be who you were. You smile but you are heartbroken behind it.


You are alone regardless of how many hands are there to help you. It is not their grief or pain but yours. It is your feelings, your faith, your routine, your habits and, your choices. They seem so far out of reach.


You are alone because you will never have what you had before. People seem so ungrateful for the simple things that they have, that we don't and you want to scream at them. Ask them do they not realize how lucky there are. Stop complaining about what you are doing for your kids because, you could sit on a bench in a cemetery to talk to them one day and, you hold it in. They don't understand. They'll look at you like you need to mind your own business all the while you pray they never know your pain or, grief. You know if that does happen, they will regret what they took for granted.


Griefs loneliness is ugly and it is real. I have experienced so many emotions because of grief, I can't imagine there any more left.


Truth is, grief is loneliness in a form so different that others experience. But it is real. It happens and it will consume you, just don't let it.


Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."



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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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