It actually goes on until your last breath is taken.
I can't sugar coat it because, well, it can't be sugar coated.
Grief is neverending.
How you deal with it and get through it is how well you survive it.
Sometimes, I feel it is unsurvivable. Sometimes, I feel that taking the last breath would be better than crying daily. It would be better than trying to explain that I have 2 kids and so on....
I think sometimes not feeling the pain with losing a child would be better than staying here on earth and feeling not only that pain but, every other pain there is to feel.
I sometimes feel that no verse in the Bible and no prayer or kind word from a friend or a stranger can make existence something that I want to be a part of.
But, the grief will go on and, so will I.
I know that staying here and crying and having the pain of the loss was what I have to do right now because, well because I have to. God's plan is totally different from mine and I am learning that everyday.
If I only help someone realize that every thing they feel is okay, well, I did what I wanted. Even if that one person is myself.
I have spent so long fighting myself and not listening when I should that I learned to listen and take in what I am saying to anyone else. That, that has made the difference in existence and living.
Psalm 139:23 "Search me, God, and know my heart."
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