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As the grief goes on..

It actually goes on until your last breath is taken.

I can't sugar coat it because, well, it can't be sugar coated.

Grief is neverending.

How you deal with it and get through it is how well you survive it.

Sometimes, I feel it is unsurvivable. Sometimes, I feel that taking the last breath would be better than crying daily. It would be better than trying to explain that I have 2 kids and so on....

I think sometimes not feeling the pain with losing a child would be better than staying here on earth and feeling not only that pain but, every other pain there is to feel.

I sometimes feel that no verse in the Bible and no prayer or kind word from a friend or a stranger can make existence something that I want to be a part of.

But, the grief will go on and, so will I.

I know that staying here and crying and having the pain of the loss was what I have to do right now because, well because I have to. God's plan is totally different from mine and I am learning that everyday.

If I only help someone realize that every thing they feel is okay, well, I did what I wanted. Even if that one person is myself.

I have spent so long fighting myself and not listening when I should that I learned to listen and take in what I am saying to anyone else. That, that has made the difference in existence and living.

Psalm 139:23 "Search me, God, and know my heart."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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