Excuses...

If you have ever sat and thought about it, people have excuses for everything.

If you do not want to go to church, you'll think of an excuse. Usually, people can see right through them. Honestly, I debate with myself on this all the time. I lost my child. God's plan took a totally different turn than I thought it should and, why do I need to go to church. Why?

You have people you are friends with and they make up every excuse or make you feel guilty because you fell out of touch. Why? I lost a child. I cannot remember why I drove to the bank. I cannot remember when the last time I ate was. I cannot remember 90% of the things I need to and yet I should remember to text everyone I know. Good luck with that.

Nothing makes me angrier than the latter. I admit I fail miserably at keeping in touch but the more I think about it, the more I realize that unless they lost their child too, they should be a better friend. No, it doesn't give me the right to be a bad one it just makes a little more sense that I cannot remember to reply to texts or go out of my way to text especially when they forget I have feelings too. Especially when all they do is start a text off like you forgot about them. Hello, did you forgot about me. I am not saying all people are like this I am just saying that grieving parents lose friends because others hate the fact that we may need a little extra help staying in touch and when we are constantly made to feel guilty, we stop trying. I do not need extra guilt in my life. I lost my child and I promise you unless yours has been taking and you buried them, you have no idea what it takes to basically breathe every single day.

Excuses, everyone has them.

I didn't really mean to tell you to move on, I just didn't know what to say. Try this, I am praying for you and if you need me, I am here. If you cannot figure out what to say, pray. Lend an ear. That means a ton to us. A simple text that your are thinking about us and praying for us is all we need at times.

The power of prayer is amazing. Yet, I cannot bring myself to 100% attend church because I feel that I was failed at times.

One of the hardest things I have ever done besides bury my child is feel at peace with her being in Heaven. It doesn't mean I don't miss her. It doesn't mean I dont love her. It just means I realize she's in a place way better than I am. She is with God and her loved ones. She has a few of her friends there. She can have all the Taco Bell and bacon she wants. Yet, I make excuses every Sunday and Wednesday for why I cannot attend church.

Next week, I cannot say I will do better about going but, I will be honest and not make an excuse. I will tell the truth.

All I ask is for prayer to guide me to do this and be able to make it another week and, another birthday without my girl. I dont want anymore excuses, I want prayer and honesty and, I will start with me.

Luke 6:45 "What you say flows from what is in your heart."