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God Only Knows...

There is a song by For King and Country called "God Only Knows", and it says

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows how its killing you

but theres a kind of love that God only knows.

So, this is so true. Regardless of what I type, etc. Only God knows how I really feel. Only God knows how it kills me sometimes to just be here and be.

No one will ever really know my true feelings because, I can write stuff all day but, it will never be accurate on how I feel. The loss of a child, regardless if you have one or ten, is awful. Its heart breaking. Its anxiety, depression, guilt, grief, anger, hate, love, sadness, happiness, emptiness, loneliness all mixed together. Its pretty much indescribable. No words can accurately tell how this feels. Only GOD truly knows.

I write these because I know there are people that think no one knows how they feel. Yes, that is so true. But, I write this because they are not alone.

God does only know how we really feel but, there are plenty of us going through this. Surviving the loss of a child. Its a long journey. Its never ending. It doesn't get easier you just learn to cope. Trust me, anyone that says over time it gets easier has no idea what they are talking about.

It doesn't matter if your child was lost due to tragedy, sickness, etc., its a loss that will never ever be replaced. You can't just have another child to replace one. If you think like that, well, I have no words.

You feel judged. People must think you are crazy. Sometimes, I think I am crazy and I will actually tell people don't worry about me I am just crazy. But, we aren't crazy. We are experiencing our new normal. Which isn't really normal but it is what we do to cope, survive, live on because we want that chance to see our babies again. I want to be able to walk through those gates and see Lezlie. That is the plan, the goal and, I will get there and I promise no one will stop me or stand in my way. You can go with me or you can stay here, your choice. But I will see her.

So, even though God really is the only one to know our true feelings, there is a little bit of relief when you realize you truly aren't alone in this. Reach out and help someone that is grieving. You never know what it will mean to them. Trust me.

Romans 8:18 "I promise, it only gets better."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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