This is probably a topic that will be covered again and again.
Let's start with a story. I cannot exactly remember the age she was, but Lezlie swore she saw the tooth fairy one night. I am not really sure who she saw, but I promise neither myself or her daddy were wearing a blue dress when we snuck that tooth. But, she swore, and she probably still would, the tooth fairy wears a blue dress.
Now on to the main reason for this, there are wrong and right ways to communicate with the grieving. I apologize ahead of time but mostly what I will post has to do with the loss of a child. Grief is not just set aside for that but, I know this firsthand and this is the basis of this whole blog, the loss of a child.
You should not say anything like "How are you doing?" We all know you do not want to have us elaborate on that. Be honest. You are just throwing that out there to get an "I'm good." or "I'm okay." People do not always like communicating their feelings. You could say something like "It's really hard/tough for you right now." That means you are actually acknowledging feelings and saying you know they are going through something hard. But please don't judge.
My most favorite, not really, "They're in a better place." Not everyone that grieves believes in that better place and another thing, what place is better than at home with their family. Maybe you should say something along the line of "I am sorry you are suffering." Unless the loss was related to an illness or, their injuries caused a lot of pain, lets not use the better place at all.
"Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you." Why is this not that great a reply, it puts the responsibility on the grieving one to reach out. Maybe volunteering to do something for the grieving individual would mean that hey, you want to help and we don't have to ask for it.
Never tell a grieving parent they have another child or they can have more children. So are you basically saying their child was replaceable. Uh, no way. Asking about the child or even telling a story to the parent about their child would be so much better. We love stories about our kids!!!!
"I know how you feel." I do not think so. Not even someone that experienced the exact same loss knows how you feel. You will never truly know this feeling. I don't even like when someone says they can imagine how I am feeling. Who wants to even try that.
Unless they are willing to give you the story of how the loss occurred, do not ask what happened. Social media sucks in this sense because sometimes families find this out the wrong way. There is nothing you can really say in this sense. Let them tell you when they are ready. Even if it takes 3 years!
There are many more what to do and not to do's, I cannot cover them all today but, I will try more tomorrow. Maybe.
Just remember this, never blame how someone grieves on why things do not work. When you befriend or take on a relationship with a grieving parent, you are taking on a big responsibility. Be sure you are ready for it because, it comes with ups and downs. If you are lucky, you will find that person that doesn't mind checking on flowers in the rain, posting pictures for you, etc. Most people forget, just because the child is gone, doesn't mean they aren't apart of these relationships.
Matthew 5:4. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
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