People will say things to you that will make you angry. Mainly because people really don't know what to say. I have said it before, you'll be okay and you should move on are not things that anyone should say and, I hope anyone dealing with the loss of their child never hears those words.
I have heard them, many times. Many times I have wanted to either knock the person out or, say something I know I would regret. I didn't. Mainly because I know that some people speak then think. Their moment of silence and the look on their faces would give me the reassurance they didn't meant it and they really didn't know any better.
Sometimes, I could look at the sky and see all its beauty with the colors as the sunsets and, I would wish to be up there in that sky. I have caught myself with those feelings and thought, you know better and then again, do I. What I know is that sometimes the feeling of her not walking through the door or not texting me hits me hard, out of nowhere and those are the days I want to really be up their with her. Of course, God's timing and only then. Even though there are times when that thought doesn't cross my mind, not at all.
Sometimes, I want to shut myself off and just not deal with anyone or, anything. Sometimes, it happens 5 days out of 7 or 29 days out of 30. Just depends on the month, the time or year or how many people I see or songs that remind me, people that look like her, people that laugh like her, it all depends.
I want the world to be a safer place. I want cancer to leave kids alone. I want people to be more like Christ and to love one another as they should but, the world is not safe and cancer doesn't discriminate and people have way to much hate for the love needed.
Yes, I feel a wide range of emotions at any given time, on any given day. Kind of like you can go through all 4 seasons in a day in Mississippi, I can go through all emotions in a day as well. I am not losing my mind. I am not crazy. I am just a. grieving mother and I am trying my best to make my new normal normal. If that makes sense.
2 Kings 20:5 "I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears: behold, I will heal you...."
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