.....the survivor of child loss. Which, is a hard thing to survive at times.
In November, it will be 4 years since my sweet Lezlie gained her angel wings. Four long years.
I am always surrounded by the sadness of her loss. Sometimes it is so intense it is indescribable.
Sometimes it feels like it is trying to take over and sometimes, it just sits there waiting to come out. Waiting to show its face and take over my whole being.
Its unreal that grief takes over our whole lives. But, we have to stronger than the grief is. We cannot let it rob us of anymore time. It cannot rob us of our happiness.
Grief makes you lonely. Grief makes you afraid. It will drive you to isolate yourself.
You will be afraid everyone else you love will just die without warning. Truth is, we all die, eventually.
Grief is strong enough to make you feel guilty. Make you feel it was your fault. You shouldn't smile. You shouldn't be happy. You should not even be alive still.
But, we can be survivors. We can live. We can grieve healthy and we can be happy. We can be assured that it is okay to live. It is okay to be happy. Everyday is a new day. Yes, it sucks that we are here without our sweet angel but, it also sucks they are there without us.
Heaven is pretty awesome. God has this army of our angels and guarantee is is awe inspiring.
Our babies do not want us to be sad. They are not like that. They want us to be happy, they want us to overcome the harsh realities that come with grief and we can. Yes, we will always grieve them but maybe, just maybe we can also have a tinge of happy with that grief. The sadness is there, forever but, the harder the grief hits you the harder you loved.
Live on. Grieve but don't let it rob you. Keep your faith. That angel army is waiting and my angel and yours is in that pack and I know they are waiting for us.
1 Peter 2:9 "For he called you to of the darkness into his wonderful light."
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