Pills....

Have you ever thought about what it takes for someone to survive something as tragic as child loss? Besides faith, family, friends and, God.

Pills. I thought that would help me survive. After all, they cure headaches so why would they not cure a broken heart.

Why would they not help you sleep? Why, why would we even think they are side effect free and work like a charm when, they don't.

Now, mind you that there are some things that you need to take unless you can get things right such as your blood pressure, blood sugar, kidney's, etc.

Depression. Depression related to child loss is a lot different than depression. It is not bipolar disorder. It could be basically situational anxiety. But, it is not the same as the normal anxiety and depression.

Insomnia, it is not the same. I sat one day and thought about what I took to sleep and am amazed I am even breathing. I would take 0.25mg of Xanax, 0.5mg of Klonopin, 100mg of Benadryl and sometimes NyQuil. Why? I wanted to sleep and not have nightmares, etc. I just wanted to sleep.

I am, a pill hoarder. I would keep them to be sure I had them when I needed them. Now, I take what I know works and that is it.

I guess my goal is for other grieving parents to realize that sometimes, it is okay to need to take something but, do not overdo it. I did. I am lucky I had a support system to help me realize I was not doing what was in my best interest. I recently had to go back and get my go to sleep medicine and you know what, it isn't a miracle drug. I still have dreams. I still have tears. I still have supernatural experiences and, at times I still do not sleep (well it has only been a week) but, I am "man" enough to admit I need help.

That should be all our goals. Admit when we need help whether it has to do with sleep or something else. Just ask. I promise it is there.

Psalms 94:17 "Unless Jehovah had been my help, my should had soon dwelt in silence."