You don't really learn about grief and loss or how to process it until you are in the middle of it.
Most importantly, you are absolutely not going crazy. I feel so crazy sometimes. I feel off. I feel anti social. I just know it is normal to experience all the above then some.
You grieve in your own way. There is no right or wrong way.
You feel guilty. You could not do the one thing that was your basic duty, protecting your child.
You feel like a failure.
Your life becomes divided into the before the death and after. But, as long as I breathe I will grieve and my heart will ache and I will love her with absolutely all my heart and soul. You will do the same.
Grieving her will last a lifetime. It will be second by second, minute by minute - year by year. It will be every single day and every time I take a breath.
I have learned to try and live but there are times I feel so guilty that I just don't want to continue to be anything but sad, alone.
My goal is to live in a way that would make her proud but anyone else proud to know me or to say that because of my journey, I helped someone. Just 1 person. That is all that matters.
I have heard it takes a village to raise a child but, it definitely takes one to survive the loss of a child.
You have to grieve to survive.
You have to lean on your faith. Never forget that even though you feel that God has left your side, he hasn't. He is there waiting for you to ask him for his help.
You have to take care of you! I am so guilty of not doing this but realize how much I must now. Yes, it is okay to take care of others but, do not forget about you.
Friends, the ones that you need will be there and the ones you don't, its time to leave them behind.
Keep the memory alive, something I have a little help doing but, there isn't a day it isn't done.
Whatever it is you must do to get through this in a positive way do it - celebrate birthdays, plan an event for it, join a bereavement group. Do what makes you smile and keeps their memory alive.
I am a survivor but it took more than me to survive this and will continue to take more than me to continue to survive. I have family, my close friends and most importantly, I have God.
Psalm 91:11 "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways".
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