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This too shall pass....

This is totally not true at all. Grieving the loss of a child will not pass. Not unless you have absolutely no feelings toward life. Not unless you just do not care and are a sorry person. I promise it won't pass.

Some say it gets easier. It has been 3 years and, it has not been any easier. I actually feel at times it is worse. Sometimes I have to catch my breath because I feel I cannot breathe. I feel I am going to have the worst breakdown of my life. But, I remember that she would want me to continue on. To live. So I do.

But, it will never pass. There is not a day that goes by that I do not relive that day. There is not a day that my soul aches a little to here her laugh, feel her hug or smell her perfume. To have her sit on the side of the tub with her feet in it talking about anything and everything. To just be able to tell her one more time how much I love her.

I go to the cemetery every single day. Every day. If I miss, someone goes for me and actually sends me a picture just to ease my mind. I don't miss much. Even sick I will go. I will just stop and say I love you baby girl or, sit on that bench and talk. I even get a sense of relief when I vent to her. She hears me and she even lets me know at times.

There are signs, everywhere. Even when she turns my dish box on and off all night just to make sure I am okay because I did not measure that NyQuil. She turned my heater off because I was hot. She is there. Whether anyone believes in signs or not, I do. I have had many.

But, this will never pass. I will never get over losing her. I will never get over not having her here. I will live. I will try my best to keep her memory alive for the world. So far, so good.

Colossians 3:2 "Set your mind on things that are above.....not on things that are on the earth."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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