What I really feel people need to do is trust me as I continue on this journey.
There is absolutely no road map to follow. There is no GPS coordinate. This is all new to me, everyday is new and, I feel that even though I have fallen down a million times, I did get back up a million and one.
Trust me. I have tried my best to live as well as I can. Yes, I feel guilty at times for living but, what grieving person doesn't.
I cannot say I have made the best choices but, I have learned from the mistakes I have made.
I created this blog to help people. So they could realize they are not crazy and, they are not alone.
I spend over 3 months staying at home. Well, minus the cemetery and wreck site trips daily, I did nothing.
I spent the next year or little over a year going to work then home. Why? I felt absolutely guilty for doing anything that may just make me a little happy.
I didn't live. I didn't know how to. Regardless of how many people I had around me, I didn't live. I didn't feel it was right. Why should I live when Lezlie couldn't.
I spend 3 months trying to bargain with God to just take me and bring her back. I would take her place in a heartbeat. I realized that it wasn't going to happen. February of 2017 I had a complete meltdown at the cemetery and prayed to God and anyone that would listen to TAKE ME. I was tired.
Today, I am tired. I am tired of fighting with myself about how I think I should feel and how God would have it. I would still trade places with her, but who wouldn't.
So, do not judge me for how I grieve but, trust me. I can't say you could do better and I cannot say you'd do worse all I can say is this, I would trust you and you should trust me.
John 1:14 "Do not let your heart be troubled."
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