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Trust me....

What I really feel people need to do is trust me as I continue on this journey.

There is absolutely no road map to follow. There is no GPS coordinate. This is all new to me, everyday is new and, I feel that even though I have fallen down a million times, I did get back up a million and one.

Trust me. I have tried my best to live as well as I can. Yes, I feel guilty at times for living but, what grieving person doesn't.

I cannot say I have made the best choices but, I have learned from the mistakes I have made.

I created this blog to help people. So they could realize they are not crazy and, they are not alone.

I spend over 3 months staying at home. Well, minus the cemetery and wreck site trips daily, I did nothing.

I spent the next year or little over a year going to work then home. Why? I felt absolutely guilty for doing anything that may just make me a little happy.

I didn't live. I didn't know how to. Regardless of how many people I had around me, I didn't live. I didn't feel it was right. Why should I live when Lezlie couldn't.

I spend 3 months trying to bargain with God to just take me and bring her back. I would take her place in a heartbeat. I realized that it wasn't going to happen. February of 2017 I had a complete meltdown at the cemetery and prayed to God and anyone that would listen to TAKE ME. I was tired.

Today, I am tired. I am tired of fighting with myself about how I think I should feel and how God would have it. I would still trade places with her, but who wouldn't.

So, do not judge me for how I grieve but, trust me. I can't say you could do better and I cannot say you'd do worse all I can say is this, I would trust you and you should trust me.

John 1:14 "Do not let your heart be troubled."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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