Unwell....

Have you ever heard that song by Matchbox 20 called Unwell, if not - look it up.

Truth is, I can probably relate to that song way more than I should.

I do absolutely feel crazy at times. Why, well my poor brain is trying to make sense of this situation that actually doesn't make sense. Nothing about the death of your child could ever make sense, never.

I guess feeling crazy is just normal. Realizing that this whole nightmare is true, that does make you crazy.

But, what truly makes me feel so crazy or unwell is the fact that I absolutely get ZERO sleep. I have never had trouble sleeping, I could even go with just a few hours and be okay but now, not happening. But I have done reading and it says complicated grief which is a fancy word for prolonged grief causes even more sleep issues.

So, if I could sleep, my grief would not be so bad. I wouldn't feel so "unwell".

Trust me, I have tried medicine, exhaustion, dream water, nyquil, Benadryl, Tylenol P.M., melatonin, klonopin, Advil p.m., and the list goes on. Guess what, NOTHING works. NOTHING.

It is dangerous to not sleep but, it is normal. People say eventually it gets better but, almost 4 years and still nothing, maybe year 5. Fingers crossed.

But, we all now lack of sleep will not only make you feel crazy, it will make you angry, irritable, confused, well you name it.

Hats off to anyone grieving that sleeps good. Tell me your secret because God knows I need a miracle to get to sleep at night.

Basically, I am not crazy - I am sleep deprived. I am not mean as a snake, I am sleep deprived. I guarantee many others grieving are going through the same so, if you are experiencing it, you are not crazy. You are never crazy. You are grieving and, it is normal.

Sometimes, I just want to let others know that what they are experiencing during this grieving process is normal. Its our new normal.

Proverbs 3:24 "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."