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We can all relate to being a jerk...

Let me be honest, grief can make me a jerk. I mean, you all know that I can be a hot mess and not the best hot mess. I have had every emotion possible and, have shown them.

I have probably made dumb decisions and that I way too smart for, totally against who I am and those having awful consequences.

I bet I would tell you you have no idea what you were talking about if you told me I was acting destructive.

But, what I am trying to say is I am so grateful for the ones that stuck by me that know deep done inside I have good qualities and they remember them. They had enough faith in me to stick around. You are true heroes.

Grief makes us jerks. It makes you think life is unfair. It makes you question why it had to be you and not someone down the road that was what everyone thought a terrible person or someone given so many chances it wasn't fair the had it easy. They had their children. After all, we are taught that bad things happen only to bad people.

Which is totally stupid and wrong. What child was bad enough to get cancer. NONE. What family was so bad that they deserve that tornado ripping their house in half, none. God doesn't work like that.

Back to the jerk thing. I admit, I have said things to people that at the time I didn't care if it scarred them for life because they had no idea how bad I felt and maybe they needed to. Especially after they said something as awful as I will be okay, god has a plan.

I admit that I have had those moments in anger that I didn't care how bad someone felt, I would tell them until they buried their child, quit whining. When in reality, it made it seem like their problems were never as bad as mine, that they should feel bad they had their child and I didn't have mine.

But, its all a part of grief. Yes, we feel we are entitled to acting however we want but, truth is, we shouldn't. Grief makes us feel all kinds of emotions and it is hard to keep them in check. Thats where those friends I am grateful for come into play. There is nothing like a good support system.

Basically, I apologize for being a jerk. I cannot say it won't happen again but, I can say that I have some friends that without a doubt will let me know I am a jerk. I am grateful for these people. They may have never experienced a loss like I have but, I would never want them too. Truth is, they are experiencing it with me.

Find your circle. Keep them close.

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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