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What is this called.....

Some people say that after your child dies (or loved one), you experience major depression. But, is that what this really is?

It seems more like complicated grief. I have read many books about this and sometimes can so relate to it.

You want to know the signs and symptoms? Well, I will tell you about a few.

Unable to accept the death - definitely experienced and at times still experience this.

Being preoccupied with them or how they died. I would say the latter part not so much as the first part. I still write her name on gifts; place orders with her name. It keeps her alive to everyone else also.

Blaming yourself for the death - that is where the what ifs come in. What if.....what if you just didn't blame yourself and realized that it isn't your fault. Yeah, that'll never happen.

Wishing you could die to be with them. Honestly, I can say I have done this a million times over.

Losing your identity or life purpose. Seems to me that is exactly where I am right now. I just have no idea about anything. Its like life has no meaning and I never experienced it as bad before as recently and I have no idea why. I wish I knew, I would fix it for certain.

I know that facing the loss of a child is the hardest thing a parent will ever do. We have stronger reactions to grief. We are angry. We have resentment. I promise you that all this is spot on, I have experienced it. It takes longer to overcome. We are more prone to a greater depression. We need support. But, it is so hard to admit defeat during these times. I'd rather be this super strong person than admit I need help and, I am sure others are the same.

I don't know who the they are that say it gets easier, but I really do not believe they have any idea what they are talking about. I am being honest about this.

I do have some I can rely on for support but, at times I am hard headed (I admit this) and would rather just not even let them know whats going on. It is easier to keep things in is my thinking when in reality, its more dangerous.

So, whatever this is we are experiencing, we can get through it with support. It may take forever but, it can be done.

Philippians 4:6 "Turn your worries into prayers."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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