I read something earlier about how you lose friends after you lose a child. That is true. Sometimes it is just one of those things and sometimes it hits hard but, sometimes it doesn't hurt at all.
I may have covered this but, it stands out to me because, it happened. Its real.
I have read that they say It is because they feel guilty that they have living children, but some of us do also. They just don't know what to say, do or how to act. Maybe they don't know how to help or maybe, just maybe they cannot handle how we change.
Lets face it, we change. We are now not the same as we were and we will never be the same again.
It is very disappointing when people that are supposed to be there aren't. These are some of the people that you were always there for and they just disappeared.
Some people will say the wrong thing, but I think they just really want to say something and have no idea. But, never say its going to be okay. That is the worst thing ever to say. That and get over it or get on with your life.
I do know that there were people that reached out to me by phone, left me numerous voice mails and I have never ever called them back. I just couldn't do it. I appreciated every phone call and every text message, fb message etc but, somehow I think back and realize I probably didn't tell them all how much it meant to me but, it meant the world. To this day, I appreciate the thoughts.
I probably declined many invitations because Lezlie loved to socialize. I just couldn't make myself go to some things and there are some things I recently missed because I just couldn't attend without here. To those, I am truly sorry. Emotionally, I don't believe I could have attended and not had a breakdown. I have also been guilty of avoiding things to avoid the pity etc.
Sometimes, or somedays, it is just a bad day and I can't make myself do things and you know what, it is okay. Anyone else experiencing this, it is okay.
Sometimes, I avoid things to events because people can be so insensitive and I may not be over or haven't forgotten how insensitive you were/are about the whole situation. Especially if I was there for you when you needed be but you were no where to be found.
Sometimes, I avoid new people because they don't know about my loss. I still have two kids and will have two kids until I die but, you may not now that one is in heaven and sometimes, it is just to hard to explain.
But, those that made it with me and are still here, you are the real heroes. You stuck by me through the ups and downs, highs and lows and you know what, I appreciate everything and I can guarantee you have an angel watching over you. And to those that came and listened to my story when I really didn't want to speak of it, trust me when I say she's watching with you daily too. She loves her family and anyone that loves her family as much as she does.
And to God, even when my faith failed me he never turned his back on me. I honestly wish I knew why he took my sweet angel and wish he'd tell me today but, I know when I see him face to face I will know. He has never left my side.
Psalm 112:7 "She confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her."
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