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Each year as graduation time comes and goes, I make a promise to attend. This year, I did not attend any I was sure I would make.

I guess it is kind of hard to continue with the excitement of what these children have accomplished when one of mine never made it out of tenth grade.

It is sad for sure.

I know it was just as hard for her classmates when they graduated without two of their classmates. I know the loss followed them since 2015. I also know that their friends that graduated this year also felt that loss but, regardless I am excited for their accomplishments.

I just could not make myself attend no matter how bad I wanted to.

I believe I did write about how some years are harder and for some reason, this one has hit pretty hard. I still have a hard time getting up and doing things I need to do much less I want to do.

This new normal isn't really normal at all. I have days I feel absolutely insane and then some days "okay". Will I ever feel great? I cannot say.

I absolutely cringe whenever I hear of someone losing a child in a car accident. I have even messaged those I didn't know to tell them that I am still going through the loss of my child and I will be here for anything they need. Some of messaged me back many times, other just a thank you and thats it. But, no one needs to feel alone and I promise them all they won't be.

So to everyone graduating that I didn't make it to watch, understand it is all me and not you. I just couldn't bring myself to do it this year. As much as I wanted to, my mind and heart couldn't handle it.

Psalm 120:1 "In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me."

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The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart;  the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.  Those who walk uprightly enter into peace, they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1-2

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