Heartbreak after losing your child takes many forms.
It can be lying in bed all day, hearing a certain song and having a meltdown.
It is reading to her while sitting at her marker in the cemetery. Singing to her or, just visiting. Sometimes it is even talking about everything you feel isn't going right and walking away with reassurance that maybe something is going right.
It is finding something of hers and then hiding it to find it again.
It is ziplock baggies full of socks, pajamas, hair ties, anything that you hope may have her scent. T shirts, blankets, stuffed animals.
It is seeing others her age and fighting the jealousy you have because their moms still have their babies.
It is the anger you feel when someone ignores or complains about their children.
It is talking about her whenever you can.
It is feeling guilty for spending time with or buying things for your living child and then, you buy something for her grave because you feel so guilty.
It is not being able to drive on a certain road because your heart sinks when you hit the exact spot where your life was forever changed.
It is not being able to look at the shopping history of certain places because it has things you ordered for her.
It is the heartache you feel when people talk about her in the past tense.
It is grieving for more than just you.
It is the worst thing to ever experience.
It is a heartbreak you cannot explain, you have to experience it to truly feel it and, it is nothing you wish anyone to ever go through.
1 Peter 5:10 "Out of difficulties grow miracles."
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