Sometimes I feel repetitive but then, I think maybe theres a reason I am repeating this.
I wish that people understood what it truly meant to be our friend and to stand by us throughout the rest of this life we will live without our loved one.
Lezlie was pretty awesome. Sometimes I get messages from people, people that know her and those that don't, telling me how she has touched their lives. I have people telling me that hope that one day they feel as loved as she still is. That they only hope to touch a 1/4 of the lives she has. To me, that is pretty awesome.
This journey is never-ending and is a hard one. I wouldn't wish it on a soul.
What I do wish is that the people that say things like if you need me, I am here and for them to really be there. Usually, you can't find them. Its not everyone but usually its the ones that you felt you could rely on.
There are at least two days a year I need a time out. But, that doesn't mean I want to be left completely alone. No, I want you to check on me but then I think about the fact that some people only do it those two days a year. What I want these people to know is this, I need to be checked on the other 363 or 364 days a year, depending on if its leap year. It does not have to be daily but, it needs to be more than 2 times a year. Then again, holidays are pretty rough too.
I just want people to understand that they cannot fix me and that is okay. I will never be okay but that is okay too. But, I am human. I go through this grief every day, somedays are far worse but, I am still here, trying to live and you know what, thats a lot more than I feel like doing at times.
I want people to know we need friends. We need help getting through this. We need support but we aren't going to ask for it.
I imagine right now Lezlie is sitting on the beach and you know what, one day I will get to sit on the beach with her. Until that day........
Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."
